Love your neighbor...

We have all known this command for two thousand years. Of course, we love our parents, grandparents, siblings, children... (almost) with all our hearts. But do we know how the quote continues? As a good teacher, I will repeat the whole sentence, and this time we will focus on the second half: Love your neighbor as yourself. That's a surprise, isn't it? The Book of Books tells us that we should love our neighbor, classmate, mother-in-law, partner, and even our child as much as we love ourselves. No less, but also no more than ourselves...

I admit that this came as a shock to me. After years of believing that everyone else was more important than me, I learned (not in church, but on YouTube) that even God does not claim that self-love and self-care are selfish, as others — in good faith — do. What a liberating life-changer. A huge weight was lifted from my almost fifty-year-old shoulders. I "already" know that it is okay to love myself. That I do not have to earn love or beg for it from others, but that I have it within me, that I can give it to myself, and only then do I have something to give to others. That I do not have to sacrifice myself. Because children do not want us to sacrifice ourselves for them (and so it is not fair to blame them for not appreciating it enough). Children need our love and closeness, but they do not want to be the only meaning in our lives — such love suffocates and destroys them and their parents. Children (and partners...) need to be loved, but they also need to see that we are not dependent on them, that we have other things in life that bring us joy and fulfillment — only then they can grow and live freely, joyfully, without unnecessary anxiety and guilt. Please, let us give ourselves and our loved ones love and freedom. Let us not tie our children to us with statements such as "you're all I have," "you're my only happiness" or "I can't go on without you"...

Yes, this is what I am thinking about right now, as Easter approaches and we are hit by the sad news of the tragic death of one unhappy mother. I am not judging, I cannot imagine the helpless despair, the terrible blow, the endless loneliness, the immeasurable pain of a mother who so tragically lost her only child. I sincerely feel sorry for this woman and all the other victims and survivors affected by that horrific December event. I cry for them and sympathize with them, partly because we were so close to being among them. A few points in the entrance exam were all that stood between our firstborn son and being on that fateful fourth floor that day. I went to that building to light a candle; I attend lectures there at the Prague Psychotherapy Faculty. I feel enormous sadness for those who were not as lucky as we were—those who were luckier in the entrance exams at the time and are no longer here. My son's classmate missed admission to Czech studies by a single point — even her appeal was unsuccessful, fortunately. My son then studied Latin at the Faculty of Arts, so he was on the first floor, and on that day they were even on an excursion, he was just walking past the school to the subway when he went home half an hour before the shooting... Now he is studying at the Faculty of Education, as I did years ago, and of course we hope that another horrible December will not come again.

And if it did, then... who knows? I am sure I would also think about ending it all. I can only hope that I would not do it. That I would find enough strength to go on living. I have two other children whom I would not want to cause any more pain. I still have my husband, whom I love as much as myself. And I have my mission here, which I am far from fulfilling yet. And I love life, even though it is sometimes difficult... Please, do not stay at home alone with your sadness, suffering, loneliness, and despair. Find help. There is always another story. There is always hope. Even if you feel that you have no one and nothing left, even if you are bedridden and can do nothing but lie there, you still have the freedom to choose your attitude towards it — and that is no small thing. This is evidenced by many inspiring stories that are worth listening to, such as the story of Viktor Frankl. Life is worth living, believe me. And you never know what will happen if you don't give up today...